


Spy 2: Spy vs Spy vs Spy vs Spy

by dimbleby



Category: Spy (2015)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Russian memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 02:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7415902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimbleby/pseuds/dimbleby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There are good ships and wood ships, ships that sail the sea: but the best ships are friendships and may they always be!" -- supposedly a traditional Irish toast</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spy 2: Spy vs Spy vs Spy vs Spy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silverdawn89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverdawn89/gifts).



"Nancy, you said you had something." Susan gave her the eyebrow: Nancy had something? Crocker generally wrapped up these meetings with as little employee contributions as possible, so this must be something good. 

"Yes, er, ma'am, thank you, actually, this laptop -- is this a Chromebook because I made my slides on Google Drive and not Powerpoint--"

"Forget the slideshow," Crocker said. "Give us the gist."

"We're a meme. In Russia. The rats. They know, they have pictures from our webcams during one of the pest control evacuations --"

"Jesus fucking Christ ..." Crocker said, rubbing her eyes.

"Pardon me, but what is a meme?" Fine interjected. 

"I had a slide that explained it," Nancy said mutinously. "It had a bibliography."

Ford couldn't help himself. "How do the fuckin' KGB cunts have pictures of--" 

"It's not the KGB, that's not what Russian intelligence is called now. It hasn't been the KGB since 1991, you idiot It's the FSB." Susan decided that is a total normal coworker contribution, but she still couldn't help that she felt vaguely responsible for Ford ever since ... that night. She was attracted to needy fuck-ups. The agency therapist was helping her deal. In the meantime, _coworkers._

"That sounds like something a KGB agent would say," Ford returned. Was he ... sulking? 

"Whereas accusing a coworker of being KGB/ _FSB_ is so totally something that a double-agent would never do." She drew out the 'totally' as long as she could, knowing he hated Americanisms. 

"Cooper! Ford!" Crocker took a deep breath. Possibly she was hoping one of them actually was a double agent so she had an excuse to fire them. She looked back at Nancy. "Is IT looking into the breach?" 

"We're all on it, ma'am," Nancy said, almost saluting. Sometimes she overcompensated.

After the meeting, Susan met Nancy at her desk. "I've never said this before, and I hope I never will again, but show me those Russian memes."

A picture of Helen mid-scream, rat paw in her mouth. "'A rat which has but one hole is soon caught,'" Nancy translated.

"Aw, man," Susan said. Dirty Russians. 

"This one -- 'good rats to match a good cat?'" 

"Is that Crocker's office?" 

"Yes, it is," Nancy whispered. "Actually, on balance, perhaps it's a good thing she hasn't seen these?"

"'Rats forsake a falling boat?'" Susan tried. 

"'A sinking ship.'" 

"Look who aced all her language immersions courses, oooh!" Susan teased. "You know, given the kind of funding that the FSB receives, these memes are not that funny."

Nancy darted quick look at the cubicles around them. Empty. "Actually," she whispered. "We think it was just Bicycle-Helmet-Stickers-Dave who accidentally uploaded the pics onto an unsecured meme-creating website based in Russia."

"Overlapping-Freckles-Dave?"

"No, that's Kombucha-Breath-Dave. This is Laughs-out-loud-at-emails-Dave,"

"Oh, him." Susan groaned. "Custom-Bose-headphones-Dave. He going to get fired?"

"Probably," Nancy said. "Anyways, drinks? We've got to talk about Ford. There was, I believe the phrase is Resolved Sexual Tension in that meeting. Spy foreplay. Surprisingly exciting to watch, actually."

"It was a little fun to do," Susan admitted. "You'd think that after Fine the whole accusing people of being a double agent thing would've been a little played out, but I felt like we made it new."

"You definitely did," Nancy nodded. "The whole KGB/FSB thing. Classic banter. It really worked."

"Aww," said Susan. " _Awwww_ ," said Nancy. They gave each other the traditional girly-shoulder-punch and clocked out for the day. 

 

THE END


End file.
